Etiquette questions come up in nearly every planning journey I'm part of, usually somewhere around the guest list and invitation stage, when abstract plans start turning into real decisions about real people. Modern wedding etiquette has shifted a good deal from the rules many of our parents grew up with, and I think that's mostly a good thing, but it does mean couples are often navigating decisions without a clear rulebook to follow. Here are the questions I'm asked most often, and how I generally advise couples to think through them.
"Do we have to give everyone a plus-one?"
Plus-ones tend to be one of the trickiest areas, particularly for couples working with a tighter guest list or a smaller venue capacity. My general guidance:
Married or long-term partners should always be included, regardless of whether you've personally met them
A blanket plus-one for every single guest isn't something most couples need to feel obligated to offer
If budget or space is tight, it's entirely reasonable to draw the line at established relationships rather than extending an open invitation to "bring someone"
I've never seen this cause genuine offence when it's communicated clearly and consistently across the whole guest list.
"Should we invite children?"
This is another area where couples often feel torn between their own preferences and family expectations, and there's no universally correct answer, only what's right for you.
If you'd prefer an adult-only celebration, the kindest approach is clarity and consistency: apply the same rule across every family rather than making quiet exceptions, and communicate it early enough that parents can arrange childcare without last-minute stress. If children are welcome, it's worth thinking through some genuinely practical touches, a separate table, some entertainment, an early finish time for younger guests, so that both children and adults actually enjoy the day.
"Is it okay to include gift list details?"
Gift lists and registries come up almost universally, and my honest advice is always the same: it's entirely appropriate to include registry details, and doing so gives guests genuine clarity rather than leaving them guessing. What I'd steer couples away from is including this information directly on the formal invitation itself. A wedding website, or a smaller enclosed card, is the more elegant way to share these details without it feeling transactional on the main invite.
"Can we invite fewer people to the ceremony than the evening?"
Where couples are hosting a smaller ceremony followed by a larger evening celebration, I generally advise being upfront and consistent, communicating clearly who is invited to which part of the day well in advance, so nobody is left uncertain or feels like an afterthought.
"How do we handle a tricky seating plan?"
Seating plans are often where old rules and modern preferences clash. My advice is almost always to prioritise who will genuinely enjoy each other's company over rigid family hierarchy or tradition for tradition's sake. A wedding is, at its heart, a celebration you're hosting, and the etiquette that matters most is simply thoughtfulness, communicated clearly and kindly, rather than a strict set of inherited rules.
If there's a particular etiquette question keeping you up at night, it's very likely one I've helped another couple navigate before, and I'm always happy to talk it through.
Got an etiquette dilemma of your own? Let's talk it through.